Fun With Numbers

 Twitter illustration

On Sunday, the day Cheeto promised we’d see the rollout of an(other) imaginary “exciting” new health plan, he went golfing  in Florida. He did Saturday too. Though he “aced” his cognitive test,  he doesn’t quite seem to get the math of the times. We’re here to help. For the guy who said he’d be too busy working for us to golf, it was his 284th day playing golf while in office, and his 377th day – more than a year – at one of his properties, at an estimated cost to taxpayers of  over $138 million, or 330 years of presidential salaries. In his first term, he has played more golf than Obama did in eight years; Obama also got booed far less often. Meanwhile, in a catastrophe that “didn’t have to be,” coronavirus cases have metastasized, with the U.S recording over 1.9 million new cases in July alone, more than double the number in any other month, bringing the lurid national total to over 4.7 million cases – by far the most in the world – and 157,000 deaths (though those numbers went up as we wrote this), or over 1,000 a day; during each of Trump’s 18-hole golf games, nine Americans died per hole. Despite the carnage, we still have no national testing program, contact tracing or strategy to control the virus, and health care workers still don’t have enough PPE. Even so, lying Press Barbie, who can also struggle with numbers, insists on the “great successes” and “terrific leadership” of “the past three-plus years,” though they’re actually centuries.

This weekend, rent also came due for 51 million people who’ve lost jobs, with over 25 million facing the loss of weekly $600 unemployment benefits that expired while the GOP-controlled Senate took a three-day vacation amidst the sharpest economic plunge in modern American history – a 32.9% drop in gross domestic product, three times the previous record. At the same time, the nationwide demand at food banks has soared; an estimated 54 million people – or one in four kids, an increase of 63% – could go hungry this year without help, and food banks in L.A. are already seeing midnight lines forming where people wait seven hours for food. The lines were considerably shorter in Florida when, before golfing, Trump spoke to 14 sheriffs and a mini-rally crowd of about 27 people, though Twitter joked half had likely been abducted and brought there by armed mercenaries in unmarked vans. Trump said he was “thrilled to be back in my home state of Florida” – he was born, raised and spent 70-plus years in New York – and described a dark America overrun by “terrorists, gangs and China,” marking his 7,486th fever dream. He bragged he got “dozens” of endorsements, but it was actually 8. There was zero social distancing, also zero masks. He spent the rest of his day raving on Twitter, hawking books by John Yoo and Sean Hannity, and threatening to ban Tik Tok, supposedly because China but probably because Tulsa rally and Sarah Cooper. Noted Twitter user @WeAreAllOther, “Tick Tack makes Trumpy SAD.” It was the 742,576th time a random dude on social media showed more insight than the one inept, clueless POS to blame for all this. From the grave, George Carlin’s got his number.

En route to golf. Twitter image


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